This is why I don't allow my emotions to escape my mind. This is why I refuse to think about my old life. I'm beyond sick of my own brain lately. Care to lend me yours? Ugh. It's been so long since I've allowed myself to feel such deep emotions. Decades. It was a rare occasion that I allowed my family to fuck with my emotions. I guess I've always been adding to the wall that I built as a human; the wall that continually blocks myself off from emotion.
I left New York City a short while ago, ready to embark on a new adventure. After hours of not paying attention to the road, I passed a sign for none other than Georgia - the place I grew up. I suppose I shouldn't call it my homestate, for it never really felt like home to me. But there I was. I felt mesmerized by my surroundings. I knew I'd regret going to my old town, but I needed to. I figured it might be like therapy for me. I haven't been back since I started my new life.
I didn't know what to expect when I drove down the empty, overgrown road. Maybe they would be there, maybe they wouldn't. I pulled into the driveway and just sat there, and of course I was freaking out on the inside. When I walked inside, it was almost like nothing had changed. I mean, everything imaginable had changed, but the house still looked the same. My parents left most of the furniture there when they left, I suppose. Who knows where they went. Anyways, when I walked up the stairs and into my old room, I just brokedown. I sat on my old bed wishing I could actually cry for once. I don't know what happened, but it sucked. I haven't felt emotions like that since... ever. Well, whatever. Enough of this complaining. It's not like it ever gets you anywhere. I'm putting my wall back up and I don't intend on letting myself slip again.
